Public Commentary / Satire

DAVID CAMERON, REFERENDUMS AND A FARCICAL DEMOCRACY

I do believe, somewhat strongly, that leaders of advanced democracies like the United States, United Kingdom and France sometimes wish they were political leaders in a farcical democracy like ours. From the billions budgeted for in salary and allowances, to the almost dictatorial powers of the presidency, not to mention the god-like worship you get from uncritical and docile citizens; Obama, Cameron and Hollande do have a lot to wish for.

 

Hey Barack I know you agree right???

 

This piece is an attempt to explore, satirically and sarcastically, what would have obtained if David Cameron were for example; the prime-minister of Nigeria.

 

NO REFERENDUM 

 

REFERENDUM: An event in which the people of a country, state, etc vote for or against a law that deals with a specific issue: a public vote on a particular issue. {Source- Merriam Webster dictionary} Although we’ve had two referenda in Nigeria in the past, government asking the people to determine the course of an issue via a referendum is not exactly a Nigerian thing.

 

The first referendum in Nigeria’s history was organized for the people of southern Cameroon who were then part of Nigeria on 11th February 1961. They were asked if they wanted to join an independent Nigeria or Cameroon. They voted to join Cameroon.

 

The second referendum in Nigeria was held in 1963.The people of mid-western Nigeria (now the south south) used to be part of the western region (currently south west geopolitical zone). They were asked in 1963 if they wanted to remain in the western region or if they wanted an independent mid-west region of their own. They voted for the creation of a mid-west region. It is instructive to note that these two referenda happened before military incursion in Nigerian politics. From 1966, when the military staged the first coup – till now it has been a case of ramming policies down our throats. Nigeria continues to exist like the ‘mere geographical expression’ which it is, and critical issues (such as our system of government, devolution of power, rule of law) are left to chance, or a military crackdown.

An example of this is the pig-headed stance of the federal government that Nigeria’s unity is ‘non-negotiable’. A bogus claim in the face of dying optimism in ‘One Nigeria’. Also an insult to the many voices calling for an end, or better still, a reformation of this Lugardian contraption called Nigeria.

 

Back to David Cameron Organizing a referendum was Cameron’s biggest mistake in the first place. I mean who does that? How can you organize a referendum on a delicate issue like that when you’re not sure the outcome would favour you? If David Cameron were Nigeria’s prime-minister there would be no referendum. Even if he had promised one there are a 1001 Nigerian ways to cancel promises. “Due to unforeseen circumstances, we regret to inform the general public that the referendum would no longer hold. A future date would be communicated to the Nigerian people”

 

 

THE RIGGING OPTION As the prime-minister of a “fantastically corrupt” country, Cameron would know better than to organize a referendum without making arrangement for the boys of the underworld to steal ballot boxes. Government sponsored thugs would steal ballot boxes from areas where the LEAVE CAMPAIGN led in the polls and stuff those boxes with STAY votes. Nobody cares if the number of votes exceeds the number of voters in the register. Even dead people can vote, as they have in Nigeria’s election Only little political capital is required to do all these and Cameron would have saved his political career if only he were fortunate to be PM in a country like ours.

 

INCONCLUSIVE NATIONAL ELECTORAL COMMISION

 

This option is relatively new. It is also post-Jonathan. Let us assume Cameron as Nigeria’s PM was unable to influence the outcome of the referendum via rigging, he need not worry! Shebi INEC will organize the referendum? Lobatan. All Cameron need do is summon the chairman of INEC and order him to declare the referendum INCONCLUSIVE. It won’t be the first. There are several inconclusive elections in Nigeria at the moment. No big deal adding a referendum to the list. The leave campaign will cry foul but nothing will happen. A new date will be fixed for the referendum but by then the public will be in no mood for voting so it will be easier to rig. Cameron also holds the “DSS Option” if Boris Johnson, Nicky Farage and other #Brexit rabble-rousers become a ‘threat’ to national security…

 

 

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2 thoughts on “DAVID CAMERON, REFERENDUMS AND A FARCICAL DEMOCRACY

  1. This is a great piece and it made me laugh out loud. and I loved your spin on the situation. However I want to do a little nitpicking. First of all Cameron actually organized the referendum, because he was was extremely confident the referendum was going to favour him, in fact bookies had higher odds(or is it lower odds now, I’m terrible at betting terminology) on REMAIN winning. Cameron’s resignation was because he felt he has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Also inconclusive elections aren’t a post Jonathan thing in Nigeria. It is ironical that one of the most popular Holidays in Nigeria, June 12 was as a result of an inconclusive election. And then finally, in 1993, IBB, did “step aside” for an interim government tho’. I agree that it was only in name, but at least give the man a little credit will you? I know Nigerians/Nigerian politicians, can be terrible , but at least we are not totally beyond redemption, are we? .😂😂😂

    Like

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